Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
