why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
