It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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