No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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