dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
