just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
