Will you blow on my dice?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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