We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
