How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
