is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How naked do you want me to be?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
