She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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