whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
