I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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