I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
