Pappa wants mamma naked
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
