im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
