My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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