i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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