I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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