The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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