I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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