THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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