alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
