After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
