i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
