I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
