My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
