i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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