So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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