i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
