As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
