she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
