Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
