i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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