Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
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