I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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