Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
