I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
