"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize