how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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