That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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