just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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