I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
