Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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