she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
