i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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