She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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