you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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