What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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