she peed on how many people?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
