Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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