just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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