This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
