did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
