the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
