Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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