its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
