I'm really into asian looking animals
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
