so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Swine flu is the new snow day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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