hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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