if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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