Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
