Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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