that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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