Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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