I wish my penis had an off switch
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You did what with his pubic hair?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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